Today is my birthday. In the past week, I’ve been told very directly from three different people that I’m selfish and self-absorbed. All three are close to me and know me fairly well. I think they are spot on, however I also think I’m spot on.
I’m taking time to be selfish in the way that I need to know my self. This often leaves others out in the dark which gives them a myriad of responses: sometimes easy, sometimes difficult.
I’ve recently taken space from a lot of people in my life to allow for this self-discovery and I have experienced, first-handedly, my true friends releasing me in love. It can be painful, but they all have said, “my love for you is not hinged on you being near me or giving me what I want from you.”
I’ve read of this kind of love and thought, how beautiful! For the first time in my life, I’m experiencing it being given to me by people other than my family members. There’s no morality or religion tied to it. It’s people making a specific choice to love me in the ways I’m asking for.
In two of the most recent cases, friends have released me in love and I have come back to them with a renewed purpose and outlook. In two others, I’m still away from them.
Today one of my two closest friends asked for space from me. A punch to the heart, that one. However, I get it. Truly.
INT. OFFICE - DAY
In one chat window we’re going over some of the hard emotions and feelings in our relationship and how we want to deal with it.
In another window, my other closest friend has sent me a most incredible birthday message thanking me for giving her space when she needed it years ago.
FADE TO MY THOUGHTS.
This beautiful love I’ve been given and I must now give again. Her need for space is more important than her being near me or giving me what I want from her.
I take refuge in Björk’s “All Is Full of Love.” (Plaid remix - of course) The message is so powerful and I need to once more trust it.
* Worth it.